When we are babies, we have no way to get what we want for ourselves. So what do we do? We cry. But as we grow and learn, we start to be able to do things without having to ask for help. And as we go through these changes, the reason we cry starts to change as well. We no longer cry because we want something, but rather because we no longer have something, whether it's a person, a pet, security, our way in life, or maybe just something we never even had. However, the fact that we cry does not make what we want come back, so what do we do then?
My grandma was a very loving woman. She had one of the strongest faiths I had ever been around and had a way of showing that to everyone. My dad would always tell me stories of how they would go into town just to get a couple things and be gone for hours because she would always talk to so many people to see how they were doing. As she got older, she couldn't go to church anymore so my dad and me would go over to her and my grandpa's house and bring her communion and she would always want me to lead a song for her. My grandpa had never been a christian and had always said he would go to church whenever he got his hearing fixed, but still didn't even go after that. However, when my grandma died it was one of the very few times I had ever seen him cry. Now his tears couldn't bring back his wife, but he would soon find what he needed. He started coming to church and was baptized and has be a devout christian ever since.
This story has always made accepting of my grandma's death. I loved her so much and would have liked her to be able to be on this Earth and watch me grow up, but if she was still here I don't know if my grandpa would be the person he is today. In addition, I don't think I would be the person I am today either, because if not for her I wouldn't have been able to develop my own faith and I thank and love her for that.
But what happens when you can't see what you need? Are you supposed to be able to, or does it just find its way to you? I mean some things you want so bad that it's hard to tell yourself it isn't what you need. I don't know all the answers, or really any of them actually, but shouldn't you try your best at everything you set your mind to do? In some things, this is probably true. But as I have slowly, but surely, come to see, a lot of things you just need to give up on if they are not what is best for you.
I know I have been kinda rambling on about a lot of different things and trying to get them to go together, but I think that's just because that's what my mind is kinda like right now. As I mentioned before, even an infant knows what it wants and tries whatever it can to obtain it. But at some point we all have to realize that some things in this life we are not meant to have, be it a friendship, relationship, job, or something else for any number of reasons, no matter how much we want it. If we keep our eyes open, however, we might just get something we need. However, even if we don't get anything, that may be just what we needed all along. I've got a lot more growing to do, and probably a lot more crying as well, but as long as I try to keep smiling as I go, knowing God will see me through, I'm sure I will be alright. It just may take a while sometimes..
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