When we are babies, we have no way to get what we want for ourselves. So what do we do? We cry. But as we grow and learn, we start to be able to do things without having to ask for help. And as we go through these changes, the reason we cry starts to change as well. We no longer cry because we want something, but rather because we no longer have something, whether it's a person, a pet, security, our way in life, or maybe just something we never even had. However, the fact that we cry does not make what we want come back, so what do we do then?
My grandma was a very loving woman. She had one of the strongest faiths I had ever been around and had a way of showing that to everyone. My dad would always tell me stories of how they would go into town just to get a couple things and be gone for hours because she would always talk to so many people to see how they were doing. As she got older, she couldn't go to church anymore so my dad and me would go over to her and my grandpa's house and bring her communion and she would always want me to lead a song for her. My grandpa had never been a christian and had always said he would go to church whenever he got his hearing fixed, but still didn't even go after that. However, when my grandma died it was one of the very few times I had ever seen him cry. Now his tears couldn't bring back his wife, but he would soon find what he needed. He started coming to church and was baptized and has be a devout christian ever since.
This story has always made accepting of my grandma's death. I loved her so much and would have liked her to be able to be on this Earth and watch me grow up, but if she was still here I don't know if my grandpa would be the person he is today. In addition, I don't think I would be the person I am today either, because if not for her I wouldn't have been able to develop my own faith and I thank and love her for that.
But what happens when you can't see what you need? Are you supposed to be able to, or does it just find its way to you? I mean some things you want so bad that it's hard to tell yourself it isn't what you need. I don't know all the answers, or really any of them actually, but shouldn't you try your best at everything you set your mind to do? In some things, this is probably true. But as I have slowly, but surely, come to see, a lot of things you just need to give up on if they are not what is best for you.
I know I have been kinda rambling on about a lot of different things and trying to get them to go together, but I think that's just because that's what my mind is kinda like right now. As I mentioned before, even an infant knows what it wants and tries whatever it can to obtain it. But at some point we all have to realize that some things in this life we are not meant to have, be it a friendship, relationship, job, or something else for any number of reasons, no matter how much we want it. If we keep our eyes open, however, we might just get something we need. However, even if we don't get anything, that may be just what we needed all along. I've got a lot more growing to do, and probably a lot more crying as well, but as long as I try to keep smiling as I go, knowing God will see me through, I'm sure I will be alright. It just may take a while sometimes..
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Top 5 games of 2011
2011 was a great year for gaming. The 3DS came out, sequels were abundant, and for the first time I had a laptop that could play PC games. Thanks to the last fact, I spent almost $100 during the Steam sales this year, but it was well worth it. I've never been much of a PC gamer, but now I love it. Steam is great and I'm excited that I get to play more indie developed games now, some of which will be on my top 5.
Alright so this top five with be in no particular order, but will be 5 games that came out in 2011 that I believe everyone should play. So if you haven't gamed these games, you should!
5. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Alright so I go to this game first because if you had any desire to play this game, you most likely already have at least 40 hours poured into this epic adventure. Skyrim was my first time to play an Elder Scrolls game and it did not disappoint. I even went back and got both of the previous Elder Scrolls games to see what led up to this game. The world of Skyrim is massive and super detailed. The soundtrack is fantastic from just walking around to the awesome sounds of battling a dragon. The main story it pretty good, but the side quests is where this game really shines. Also, the leveling system is so well designed an interesting. As you progress through the game, you level up different skills, such as archery or lock pick, and as you level those skills you get experience for your overall level. This game is just fantastic and I cannot wait to spend some more time finishing it up.
4. Super Mario 3D Land - One of the few portable games I actually played this year, 3D Land was the game I was waiting for on the 3DS. The game takes a page from the old Mario games and has you going through 5 different levels in 8 worlds, each being very well designed and just the right length for a portable game. The 3D for the game is done very nicely and shows just what the 3DS is capable of. If more 3DS games can be at this level of quality, I will be much happier about my early buy of the system.
3. Rayman Origins - Alright, so last year Donkey Kong Country Returns was released and it quickly became my favorite game of last year. I've always had a special place in my heart for old-school side-scrolling platformers and Rayman Origins is exactly what I needed to fill that place this year. I love the art style that this game has and the music is amazing. As for the gameplay, it is probably one of the tightest games of this year. The controls are fantastic and every time you receive a new power you see how much quality the developers put into it. This is defiantly a must play for any old-school gamers out there.
2. Bastion - Alright so Bastion is one of the indie games that I mentioned earlier. This game was made by just 7 people working out of a house, but if someone wouldn't have told me that I would have thought it had to be made by some big time development team. Bastion is a beautiful game that has such a unique look, soundtrack, and gameplay. The story of the game is kinda hard to follow at first, but as it progresses it starts to come together. The different mechanics that Bastion implements, such as weapon customization and just the kind of weapons you can use, are very interesting and give players a chance to choose how they want to play. Bastion makes me very excited to now be a PC gamer and have the chance to play unique games like it.
1. The Binding of Isaac - And last, but far from least, The Binding of Isaac has to be my favorite game of last year. The game doesn't take long to play, usually one playthrough doesn't go longer than 45 minutes to a hour, but the design of the game is what makes it one of the best of 2011. The game plays like an old Zelda game. You go from room to room defeating the enemies in each to advance and then face a boss on each level as you move down. The story is that you are Isaac and your mom is told by God to kill you, so you run away to the basement and in the end try to kill her, but don't get caught up on that. The main draw of the game is that it is completely random every playthrough. From the bosses, to the tons of many different and fun power ups, to even the room layouts it is all different ever time you boot up a new game. This game has already taken tens of hours away from me and I can't see it stopping anytime soon. If you can get this game, do, because you will not regret it. I love this game!
Alright so there are 5 games of 2011 that I hope have a chance to play. 2011 was a great year for gaming, and 2012 looks to be awesome as well. And as I slowly develop carpal tunnel and ruin my eyesight, I will keep smiling as I do it because I enjoy me some gaming!
P.S. Early pick for Game of the Year 2012:
Alright so this top five with be in no particular order, but will be 5 games that came out in 2011 that I believe everyone should play. So if you haven't gamed these games, you should!
5. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Alright so I go to this game first because if you had any desire to play this game, you most likely already have at least 40 hours poured into this epic adventure. Skyrim was my first time to play an Elder Scrolls game and it did not disappoint. I even went back and got both of the previous Elder Scrolls games to see what led up to this game. The world of Skyrim is massive and super detailed. The soundtrack is fantastic from just walking around to the awesome sounds of battling a dragon. The main story it pretty good, but the side quests is where this game really shines. Also, the leveling system is so well designed an interesting. As you progress through the game, you level up different skills, such as archery or lock pick, and as you level those skills you get experience for your overall level. This game is just fantastic and I cannot wait to spend some more time finishing it up.
4. Super Mario 3D Land - One of the few portable games I actually played this year, 3D Land was the game I was waiting for on the 3DS. The game takes a page from the old Mario games and has you going through 5 different levels in 8 worlds, each being very well designed and just the right length for a portable game. The 3D for the game is done very nicely and shows just what the 3DS is capable of. If more 3DS games can be at this level of quality, I will be much happier about my early buy of the system.
3. Rayman Origins - Alright, so last year Donkey Kong Country Returns was released and it quickly became my favorite game of last year. I've always had a special place in my heart for old-school side-scrolling platformers and Rayman Origins is exactly what I needed to fill that place this year. I love the art style that this game has and the music is amazing. As for the gameplay, it is probably one of the tightest games of this year. The controls are fantastic and every time you receive a new power you see how much quality the developers put into it. This is defiantly a must play for any old-school gamers out there.
2. Bastion - Alright so Bastion is one of the indie games that I mentioned earlier. This game was made by just 7 people working out of a house, but if someone wouldn't have told me that I would have thought it had to be made by some big time development team. Bastion is a beautiful game that has such a unique look, soundtrack, and gameplay. The story of the game is kinda hard to follow at first, but as it progresses it starts to come together. The different mechanics that Bastion implements, such as weapon customization and just the kind of weapons you can use, are very interesting and give players a chance to choose how they want to play. Bastion makes me very excited to now be a PC gamer and have the chance to play unique games like it.
1. The Binding of Isaac - And last, but far from least, The Binding of Isaac has to be my favorite game of last year. The game doesn't take long to play, usually one playthrough doesn't go longer than 45 minutes to a hour, but the design of the game is what makes it one of the best of 2011. The game plays like an old Zelda game. You go from room to room defeating the enemies in each to advance and then face a boss on each level as you move down. The story is that you are Isaac and your mom is told by God to kill you, so you run away to the basement and in the end try to kill her, but don't get caught up on that. The main draw of the game is that it is completely random every playthrough. From the bosses, to the tons of many different and fun power ups, to even the room layouts it is all different ever time you boot up a new game. This game has already taken tens of hours away from me and I can't see it stopping anytime soon. If you can get this game, do, because you will not regret it. I love this game!
Alright so there are 5 games of 2011 that I hope have a chance to play. 2011 was a great year for gaming, and 2012 looks to be awesome as well. And as I slowly develop carpal tunnel and ruin my eyesight, I will keep smiling as I do it because I enjoy me some gaming!
P.S. Early pick for Game of the Year 2012:
Saturday, January 7, 2012
The wonderful thing about Tiggers...
Some would say that I've a person of a different breed. I like to rock out to The Who but still enjoy singing along with High School Musical. I can talk NBA, NFL, or MLB for hours on end, yet I can also stay up all night playing a game of Civ 5. I can listen to someone talk to me for hours on end about anything or just sit alone and let my mind wander. What I haven't been able to do, however, is find someone who can also do that. And while I think that all of these things define me as a very unique person, sometimes I wish I was a little different.
What brings up this topic is just the fact of the past. During my years on this Earth, I have had many great wonderful friends. Each has been different, but one thing has always been consistent. I've never found that one person that I could do everything with. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but the simple fact of the matter is I've never truly felt like one of them was my best friend. The one I could call up at any time during the day and go do something with. The person I could confide my thoughts and emotions with. And I've slowly come to realize that it may not be because I haven't met them yet, but maybe because I'm not meant to have one.
I entitled this blog "The wonderful thing about Tiggers..." and I've you haven't ever watched Winnie the Pooh I will tell you that it is that Tigger is the only one. (And no I have not seen the Tigger movie so I have no idea what was in that). Anyways, I remember from my childhood that Tigger was always the one who seemed to bring joy and energy to his friends. I've always strived in my life to be a person like that, so I guess you could say I'm like him in that way. But I've come to see that maybe I'm like him in another way as well. I'm not sure if it is exactly a wonderful thing, but just maybe I am the only one who has my kind of personality, likes, dislikes, and attitude all rolled into one. And in addition, maybe that I can use that to be wonderful.
Throughout my life, I've never been the best at making friends. On the other hand, once I've been able to get past the initial introductions and such, I've always been great at building friendships. This goes back to the things I've said before, the fact that I do have an educated opinion on so many things. From movies to music to sports to games and even politics at times, I try to stay up to date on everything, which I believes allow me to help my friendships with people grow. Now I'm not saying that I know everything or that it's always because of me, but I think that just from my own experience I have an ability to create good connections with people I meet and have time to talk to. So now here is where we get back to the main idea. The fact that I create all of these, let's say, "good" friendships with may people is why I believe I've never been able to have that "best" kind of friendship. Sure some turn into "better" friendships, but I've always seen it as if I have someone who I know I can talk about sports with, while someone else I can geek out with about the newest game, and then another person I can converse with about the latest album from some band, why do I have to find that someone who I can do them all with.
The wonderful thing about Derek Daniels? Well, I'm really not sure what that is or even if there is something about myself that others would deem wonderful. But what I do know is this. I have a lot of great friends in this world who I love and care for. And while not having a "best" friend may mean I don't really have a person to talk to about things in my life or can rely on at anytime, I do know that I have had many of my great friends help me through hard times in my life. And just so we're clear to end this, I'm not saying that there are not people in my life I don't consider to be best friends, but it's just the plain fact that I've always defined a true best friend as some higher form of friendship, whether it be between two people in love or two people who have known each other forever, but even though I don't know what it's like to have someone like that, I know I have yet to reach that kind of friendship. But someone, some way, maybe I will. And for that, I keep smiling.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Wazumbah, or how to make it yours.
The title may or may not have anything to do with this blog, but I have to cover a lot of stuff and it sounded good so I'm just going with it.
So I've finished my first semester of college at the U of A! And, thankfully, came out of it with all A's so that's a good way to start, right? Anyways, I would probably describe my first semester as... different? I'm not saying it was bad, far from it, but just not really what I was expecting exactly. But we will get to that later. For now, I must tell you about the end of 2011 for me.
So from the time of my last blog there have been only a few big things in my life, or atleast a few I consider big I guess. First off would be my birthday. Usually I would say this isn't a big thing at all, but I figure I should talk about it since it was my first away from home. A couple weeks before the day, my parents asked me if I wanted them to come up and go out for dinner. I've never really cared to much about my birthday so I just told them we could do something when I got home the next week. As for the not caring, I've just always seen birthdays as a day where you get attention for doing nothing except being born, woo... I usually try not to draw to much attention to myself, but if I do get attention I hope that I deserve it for actually doing something good. Anyways, On my birthday I woke up around 10 or so since it was a Saturday. I proceeded to just kinda mess around in my dorm, study for my Calc 3 test, and watch some great basketball games (Kentucky vs. UNC was amazing!). Later that night was a Christmas party at the RFC house. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I figured I might as well do something on my birthday. I proceeded to go to walmart to get a $10 gift since we were playing a dirty santa game at the party. The party was fun, and I got "O, Brother Where 'art Thou" so that was good! After the party I went back to my dorm to study a little before bed. Little did I know that some of the members from the RFC had planned to surprise me with a... well I'm not sure what it was but it had brownies and ice cream on it with a candle. They had wanted to give it to me at the RFC house but hadn't noticed I left so came to my dorm room and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It was very nice, but I still just felt like there was no reason for it just because it was my birthday, but still it was nice. I still wish I didn't really have a birthday though, or atleast could not celebrate it.
The next big thing was finals week!! I thankfully only had 2 finals this year and they had a full day inbetween them so I wasn't too worried. My first one was my Calc 3 final on Monday morning. This was the only class I was really worried about not getting an A in. I studied probably over 12 hours combined over the weekend, and by test time I was confident. And for good reason, since I got a 99 on it! My other one was Chem 1 on Wednesday night. I only needed like a 40% on it to get an A, so I didn't study quite as much... like 2 hours. But I still got an 85% on it so it was all good. I packed up all my stuff on Thursday night and proceeded to make the trip back home for the break ready to relax and enjoy time with my family, who would soon be getting a new member.
Which brings me to the last big thing that capped of the year, the birth of my nephew, James (Jimmer) Carney. My sister went to the hospital around 3 I think on December 27th. I stayed at home for a while and headed to the hospital around 11 with my dad, who had been working. We waited there til I believe around 6 or 7 hours with my grandma, uncle and aunt, cousin, and my brother-in-laws family would had been coming to visit that day (good timing). He was a big boy and defiantly a cute one too. He is a handful, as all newborns are, but precious. I can't wait til he gets big enough for me to play with him and teach him how to call the hogs and play ball!
Outside of the RFC group, college was still different. Classes really weren't as hard as I thought they would be. And I'm not trying to brag or say they weren't hard, but having taken physics and calc my junior year I was scared going into calc 3 and physics 2, but it turned out to not be too bad. Those two classes were also where I got to connect with someone I now consider to be one of my best friends, even though he always acts like he hates me. I see it as kind of a Dr. Cox, J.D. kinda relationship, him being cruel and funny while I just look for his respect. Okay, maybe not quite like it, but somewhat haha.
So I've finished my first semester of college at the U of A! And, thankfully, came out of it with all A's so that's a good way to start, right? Anyways, I would probably describe my first semester as... different? I'm not saying it was bad, far from it, but just not really what I was expecting exactly. But we will get to that later. For now, I must tell you about the end of 2011 for me.
So from the time of my last blog there have been only a few big things in my life, or atleast a few I consider big I guess. First off would be my birthday. Usually I would say this isn't a big thing at all, but I figure I should talk about it since it was my first away from home. A couple weeks before the day, my parents asked me if I wanted them to come up and go out for dinner. I've never really cared to much about my birthday so I just told them we could do something when I got home the next week. As for the not caring, I've just always seen birthdays as a day where you get attention for doing nothing except being born, woo... I usually try not to draw to much attention to myself, but if I do get attention I hope that I deserve it for actually doing something good. Anyways, On my birthday I woke up around 10 or so since it was a Saturday. I proceeded to just kinda mess around in my dorm, study for my Calc 3 test, and watch some great basketball games (Kentucky vs. UNC was amazing!). Later that night was a Christmas party at the RFC house. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I figured I might as well do something on my birthday. I proceeded to go to walmart to get a $10 gift since we were playing a dirty santa game at the party. The party was fun, and I got "O, Brother Where 'art Thou" so that was good! After the party I went back to my dorm to study a little before bed. Little did I know that some of the members from the RFC had planned to surprise me with a... well I'm not sure what it was but it had brownies and ice cream on it with a candle. They had wanted to give it to me at the RFC house but hadn't noticed I left so came to my dorm room and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. It was very nice, but I still just felt like there was no reason for it just because it was my birthday, but still it was nice. I still wish I didn't really have a birthday though, or atleast could not celebrate it.
The next big thing was finals week!! I thankfully only had 2 finals this year and they had a full day inbetween them so I wasn't too worried. My first one was my Calc 3 final on Monday morning. This was the only class I was really worried about not getting an A in. I studied probably over 12 hours combined over the weekend, and by test time I was confident. And for good reason, since I got a 99 on it! My other one was Chem 1 on Wednesday night. I only needed like a 40% on it to get an A, so I didn't study quite as much... like 2 hours. But I still got an 85% on it so it was all good. I packed up all my stuff on Thursday night and proceeded to make the trip back home for the break ready to relax and enjoy time with my family, who would soon be getting a new member.
Which brings me to the last big thing that capped of the year, the birth of my nephew, James (Jimmer) Carney. My sister went to the hospital around 3 I think on December 27th. I stayed at home for a while and headed to the hospital around 11 with my dad, who had been working. We waited there til I believe around 6 or 7 hours with my grandma, uncle and aunt, cousin, and my brother-in-laws family would had been coming to visit that day (good timing). He was a big boy and defiantly a cute one too. He is a handful, as all newborns are, but precious. I can't wait til he gets big enough for me to play with him and teach him how to call the hogs and play ball!
So that was the end of my year. I've loved being at home and being able to hang out with all of my old friends. So, how was the year overall? Well, it's been interesting. I went through my last semester of high school and graduated, met great new friends and lost a couple on the way, recommitted my life to God, became part of a group of people who are some of the most amazing and uplifting people I have ever met and love the all, and of course made some stupid mistakes along the way. But I must say that I believe that I was able to change myself for the better this year, and hope I can continue to do so over the next year and my life. I still get mad at stupid things, forget what is most important sometimes, and forget to recognize the people who do the most for me, but I regret nothing and know what I can do to better myself.
As for my first semester of college, I think that the only good word to describe it was the word I already used, different. I never thought I would bond so much to the RFC group and grow so close to so many people in the group. There are so many wonderful people in the group and I just hope that I can get to know them all more and learn everything I can from them because they all have there own interesting and inspiring stories and I just love to learn from others. Steve, our Campus minister, is such an amazing person and I just love to listen to him speak and I am so thankful for him giving me the chance to show my own abilities as a speaker and leader. I just hope I can continue to be a part of this group and continue to have my faith build and hopefully help as many people as I can.
Outside of the RFC group, college was still different. Classes really weren't as hard as I thought they would be. And I'm not trying to brag or say they weren't hard, but having taken physics and calc my junior year I was scared going into calc 3 and physics 2, but it turned out to not be too bad. Those two classes were also where I got to connect with someone I now consider to be one of my best friends, even though he always acts like he hates me. I see it as kind of a Dr. Cox, J.D. kinda relationship, him being cruel and funny while I just look for his respect. Okay, maybe not quite like it, but somewhat haha.
Dorm life can also only be described as different. Me and my roommate don't really do anything together, but it works perfect. We talk a bit when we are both in the room, get along great, and have yet to have any problems so it's good. My research is really different as well. My faculty mentor is super laid back and seems to kinda work on his own time, which is okay, but sometimes frustrating. My parent is pretty much a perfect match for me, we are most of the time on the same level and she usually does more work than me without noticing so I love it! Overall though, I would say thing being different was for the best, because it provided me with a chance to not just tell myself I told you so and drift along, but rather live each day looking for a new experience.
So with the arrival of 2012, what lies ahead for me? I'm not really sure, but one thing I do know is that I'm going to try to live it with a positive attitude in whatever I do. Mondays are made better by We're Alive Season 3, Tuesdays devo, Wednesday church, Thursday basketball night, Friday starts the weekend, Saturday is a day for anything, and Sunday for God, so why not be happy for everyday I have to live here on this Earth. People in this world have so many worries that float in their mind that get them down, so why can't I be the person to give them the hug they need to keep going? Since I don't see a reason why not, I guess that I will just keep smiling. (Sorry for the long wait)
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