The Lord has a will.

There is a phrase I've been hearing a lot more, or at least noticing people saying it more, recently and it has started to really get me thinking. That phrase usually goes something like "Do you think God has a sense of humor?" or "God has a funny way of doing things". Not a very complex question, but one I'm sure that all of us have said or thought at some time in our lives. However, recently I've began to think about this idea in a new light, and realize when people say this, its actually their thinking that's doing funny things.

Ephesians 5:17 says "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is". Now, the Lord's specific will for each one of us is not something we can go find on a bookshelf, but a baseline of it can of course. I'm talking about the bible of course. By reading the word and seeking to follow the lessons of Jesus and his disciples, we can begin to take the necessary steps down the path God has set for us since before we were born. But it's when we get down to the specifics that we begin to question what God has in store for us.

In a previous blog, I shared the story of the death of my grandma. She was such a loving and devoted christian and a wonderful example to me. My grandpa was not a christian while my grandma was alive, even though she tried very hard to get him to come to church and learn about God. After her death, my grandpa finally started coming to church and is now a strong christian. While I wish that it could have happened another way, I think that the death of my grandma was necessary for my grandpa to become a christian. God knew this, just as he knows what we all need as it says in Matthew 6:8, "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.", and while I might not have understood why it happened at the time, he knew why it was necessary.

While in the garden of Gethsemane right before his crucifixion, Jesus prays in Matthew 26:39, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Jesus knew that even if he thought there had to be another way for our salvation to be obtained, he still had to follow God's will. For God's will is something that may not make sense to us all the time, but it makes sense to him, and that's all that should matter. So from now on, I will always try to remember that it is not God's thinking that is funny, but it is actually mine because it's not my place to decide what should happen in my life, but his. However, if I can hope for one thing, it's that why I am following the Lord's will, I will have a smile on my face.

Matthew 16:24 - "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"

"Overflow with hope"

So my 4th semester of college has started and so I hope this semester I can do a better job at keeping up with this blog. Quite a bit of stuff has happened since I last blogged, but I don't think any of it is super important to write about it. Well, except for the lovely weekend I had in Searcy, Arkansas! So, I guess that is what I will start with.

So during the first weekend of the new year, two of my wonderful friends got married! The ceremony was on Saturday, but I decided to go to Searcy on Friday in order to hang out with the 2 grad student RFC's that had graduated last year and also some of the other RFC's that I had not seen all break. The day was absolutely wonderful. First, me and the two graduates went to eat at IHOP(where I am or may not have sneakily paid for them while they were talking) and then we went over to the house they were going to stay in that had belonged to one of their grandparents. We proceeded to just sit around and talk and also got a bonfire started. Some more of the current RFC's came out later and we sat around the fire for a couple hours. After that, some of the group left while me and the others decided to all go and sleep at one of the RFC's house that was in town. Now, since I was the only guy I of course slept in a different room from them, but we still got the chance to just sit around a talk til about one or two in the morning. The next morning I decided to wake up a bit earlier than the others to go outside an read for a bit. I caught one of them leaving (I'm going to call her S since she will be mentioned later and is super silly :p) and then she gave me a late Christmas gift which was a super nice notebook that I love! Me and the two graduates proceeded to then go back to the other house and get ready for the wedding. The ceremony was beautiful and I could not be happier for both of them. They also plan to go to China for a year after this semester to teach English and also God's word, which is amazing and I look up to them so much for choosing to try to do that. All in all, that weekend was definitely a great way to start the year.

After the wedding I had a week of relaxation before heading back to school. I went back with my family on the Saturday before school started and watched a basketball game with them. After the game I was able to hang out with S at the RFC house and have one of our many wonderful conversations we have already had this semester! The next day I went to church and dinner with my family and then they left. After lunch, I was able to hang out with S again as we went to the book store and also helped clean up around the RFC house. That night I also got to go out to eat with a lot of other RFC's and catch up with them on how their break had been.

The next day was when school started of course. I have 17 hours this semester so a good load, but shouldn't be too hard as long as I keep up with things. Since it was the first week and no one really had a lot of homework yet, we spent many a nights staying up late and playing polish or watching movies or just talking. The week seemed to go by pretty fast and by the time I knew it Saturday had arrived. Saturday was a very busy, but very fun day. I started by getting up a little early and going to Academy with S's boyfriend who is also one of my best friend's ever! He also got her some flowers, so I figured I would post it since he probably won't read this and he doesn't like people to know he can be sweet haha. I then proceeded to go over to another RFC's apartment and watch the Hog basketball game. We decided there that the weather was to nice to not go outside so we got a group of RFCs to play ultimate! After that we went and ate dinner together and played Catan. That brings us to today, Sunday, which was just a very nice lazy day.

So, I guess that about all it for now. Oh, and also I figure I should explain the title of my post. The quote come from Romans 15: 13 which says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." I've always loved the verses in the bible that talk about being filled with joy, but this verse was one that really interested me. The whole idea that as you are filled with this joy and peace you are also filled with hope in God so much until it overflows is something has really been on my heart this semester already as I try to grow my faith and also work on being able to find peace, so I just thought this verse was very fitting. Also, being filled with joy is something I always strive to find, because it is something that keeps me smiling.

Trying to not be me, while still being me.

Well, it's been quite a while since I last updated my blog and a lot has happened since then. I may get around to writing about it sometime, but for now I begin to write again because of the thoughts I have been having lately that I feel like I need to write about. And while I will probably be trying to still figure out exactly what I have been feeling while I write this, hopefully this will help me to get my thoughts together.

So lately, I've been thinking about who I have been this semester. I think about who I am whenever I am in class, when I am with the RFCs, when I am with a smaller group of friends, when I am in a one on one setting with someone, and when I am alone. And as I look at all these at once, I find it hard to tell which one is the real me. Some are like the others, while some seem to be as different as possible. But why is that?

A few weeks ago, I gave a sermon at a small church that the RFCs visited on a Sunday morning. My sermon was based on the idea that as Christians we no longer have an identity that is our own, but a true identity that is given to us by God. Colossians 3:12-14 says: "12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Paul tells us here that God has chosen us, we are his holy people, and he loves us dearly. This is our identity in Christ, and through that identity we are able to be compassionate and kind and all of the other things Paul writes. But how do you live out this identity? The answer to that question I do not think is an easy one, but the retreat the RFCs had last weekend helped me understand even more what that identity meant.

Last weekend, I had the wonderful privilege to attend the RFC fall retreat. This year the theme for the retreat was genuine discipleship. We talked about how just claiming the title of Christians is good, but we are called to be disciples of Christ. We looked at scriptures of how we must produce fruits and show our love for others. John 13:35 reads: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." And I think the retreat and preparing my sermon are two things that have really helped me see where I am at in my life.

I was talking to a good friend of mine just last night. Now then, a lot of time whenever I talk to her I feel like she may get annoyed, something that if I told her in real life she would hit me for saying, since I tend to let her do most of talking whenever we get a chance to have a conversation. But the other night I never felt once like it was bad I wasn't talking that much, something that has been rare this year I think. And then I finally realized what I had been doing wrong for much of this semester, something another wise friend of mine had told me just a few weeks ago, that I had been trying to make my identity into what I wanted it to be, instead of being the person God had created me to be.

I will try to explain what I mean by my last statement. At the beginning of this semester, I had told myself I was going to try to be more outgoing. I wasn't going to just be the quiet guy anymore and I was going to get out there and talk to more people and make sure to try and get everyone involved in the RFC as much as I could. And while I first I felt like this was a good change, I soon started to just tire myself out trying to be this person. And whenever I tried to be quiet again, I would feel like the people around me would think that something was wrong with me or that I was weird for not talking and so I would stop and just go back to trying to be something I wasn't again. And in the end I would just feel so exhausted that it would effect not only my relationships with others, but also my relationship with God. I would tell myself I was too tired to read my bible or to even just talk to God some nights, and that is something I know can never happen.

This is why I decided to write this blog. Last year, even though I was still confused at times, I feel like I knew who I was for the most part, and something that always helped me last year was to get all my thoughts out in my blog. And this is also why I have decided to make a change in my life. To start to listen more like I use to, be there for the people I care about most in this life, and try my best to love others as Jesus told us to do. God has given us all talents, and while that does not mean I can't develop new talents, I still have to work to prefect the ones he has given me first.

So what does that mean for me now? It means that I will work even harder to grow my relationship with God. It means I will make sure to listen more to the people in my life and try my best to help them in any way I can. It doesn't mean that I will not talk anymore, but that I will take more time to consider what I say and when I say it. It means that I may have to take some time to myself some days and no hang out with my friends. It means that I can't let what other people think about me, or at least what I think they think about me, affect who I am. Most importantly, it means that I'm taking the identity God has given to heart and letting him work through me the way he intended to. Oh, and it means that I will try my best to make my smile not something that I just have because I usually do, but because I am truly happy with who I am and my relationship with God and others.

You learn things in college, who knew?

So my first year of college is now completed. I ended up getting 1 B, but hey it had to happen sometime right? Anyways, my freshman year has certainly been interesting to say the least. I met so many great people, made so many wonderful memories, and learned a lot about myself as well. So since I listed these three things, I guess I will go through each in depth.

One thing that had me nervous about my first year at college was that none of my good friends were going to the U of A with me. Sure I knew a few people going, but none well enough to hang out with. Also, I had never been the best at making friends, since my two best friends during school I had been friends with since I was 5. However, any worry I had vanished whenever I first got involved with the RFC, and I thank God so much for the people that are a part of that ministry. I quickly began good friends with most of the students in the RFC and enjoyed every time I we got together, whether it was for fun or for God. In addition, I also somehow ended up making some friends outside of the RFC. Some from my floor in my dorm, others I worked with in different classes, and even my roommate! There are a few of those friends, though, who I don't think I could have made it through my first year without.

First and foremost, I have to mention the two grad students that were a part of the RFC. Without these two girls, I know my first year would not have been even close to as awesome as it was. They both provided me with great advice as I needed it, but also helped me to remember to have fun during my time in college. They also were wonderful christian examples who helped to grow my faith tremendously. Both graduated this year, so while I will miss them and it will be different without them around, I hope to keep in contact with both of them for years to come. Two other people who I had the privilege to meet where a couple who were both in their sophomore year. The girl happened to be in the same chemistry as me both semesters, so I got to bond with her by doing.... I mean helping her with her online homework and also studying with her. She is such a positive person and every time I see her it always lifts my spirits no matter how I'm feeling. The guy is a sports management major so no classes in common, but he does like the cardinals so that is where we made our connection. He is such an awesome guy and very down to earth. Also, we started playing golf together after spring break so I hope we continue that activity in the early fall! There are so many other people I could mention and talk about at length, but I just want them to know that just because I didn't doesn't mean I don't love them!

My first year at college was also full a number of unforgettable moments. The day we filled up one of the rooms in the RFC house with a LOT of balloons was of course one of the best! Staying up all night to get Skyrim and then play beside one of my good friends was also great. I got the chance to preach, give a devo, and lead singing this year as well. All of the devos and lessons, especially the deeper issues lessons, were fantastic and really helped me grow in my faith and knowledge. Late nights of studying up at the RFC house were always something to look forward to, even though it was studying. Tagging all of the girls cars while they were in girls study was also very fun, but I made up for it by making them cookies, twice! I also was able to have many lunches with one of my good friends who went to the high school in Fayetteville and had fun going to prom with her. I got my first taste of engineering research and had a very fun, yet stressful, time with that. Finally, I had the chance to have many great late night conversations with one of the grad student girls and those nights were probably some of the best I had throughout my entire freshman year. Overall, my freshman year was pretty great, but I know next year can be even better.

So what exactly did I take away from this year? Well, the first thing is that I have a lot of growing to do. I mean I could give the excuse that this was just my first year, or that I had come from a smaller school and youth group, or that I just didn't have what was needed to do what needed to be done, but I don't want to do that. I want to tell myself that while I did some things right, I did a lot of things wrong and that if I want to make an impact on the people around me,  I have to change that. On a more positive note though, I think I learned how to be more open and friendly to others, while still not having to talk more than I want to. I still need to work on speaking up more, but I am getting better at it and think that my social skills have made good improvements to where they were just a year ago. I've also learned how to study my bible better and see what I need to do in order to do God's will, but I still need to do a better job at being more consistent with that. Finally, I've learned how to better open up to others I think, and have enjoyed getting to know many of the RFCs on a very personal level.

There it is, my freshmen year in short. Was it anything like I thought it would be? Not at all, but I'm really not sure what I was expecting. What I got was the best year of my life, though. The relationships and memories I made this year were so fantastic and I know I wouldn't change a thing about how this year went. I loved every minute of it and can't wait to get back on campus. What will my sophomore year be like? I have no clue. What I do know is that when August rolls around, I will have God in my heart, old and new friends by my side, and a smile on my face. Until then, I will keep you updated on my summer shenanigans and hope that I can make sure to continue to develop myself into the man God needs me to be. Thanks to everyone that made my freshman year fantastic!

Yeah, College can get busy.

While I have not had to worry about writing a thesis or anything like in the past few months, I have experienced my own amount of business, or at least as much as a freshman can I have. However, I did present my research that I have been working on for the last semester and a half, so since that is over I really have nothing to worry about til finals, which is good! So, I figured since I will most likely be writing a post to sum up my first year here at the University of Arkansas, I should probably talk about what all has happened this semester!

I'm probably not going to hit everything that has happened since I last blogged or do it in order of when it happened, but we will see what I can recall. One of my favorite things that has happened this semester is that I have gotten to play a little more basketball than last and started playing golf with some of my friends as well! I played golf for my high school for one year, but decided not to stay with it because I never really had the patience. That has seemed to change over the years, however, as I have not been doing that bad lately. I played with my dad one weekend while I was at home and shot under a 50 on 9, although he did give me a few mulligans. One of the biggest things that has been messing me up is actually that I haven't been able to quite figure out how hard to hit the ball yet. Me and a few friends went a played a par 3 course last weekend and I ended up going past the hole on about 6 or 7 of the holes, but it's a short course so I don't feel to bad. Other than that, it has been awesome to play and just take a couple hours out of my week to hang out with friends.

Another thing that happened recently was that the Leadership Training for Christ (LTC) convention was held in Rogers. LTC is something that I had been involved in since I was in 3rd grade, so it was great to get to go again this year. LTC is pretty much just a convention where different Church of Christs come together and the youths get to do different things like drama, song leading, and chorus. I got to be a judge this year for the 5th and 6th grade song leading and it was awesome to see such young kids getting up and leading. I myself started song leading in 4th grade I believe. My dad had always pushed me to do it since even when I was younger I would always try keep time with my hand like the song leader would and even lead some songs for my grandma whenever we would take her communion. Overall, LTC this year was wonderful and it was great to hang out with my old youth group. Looking forward to hopefully going on some trips with them this summer as well.

The final big thing I would like to share that has happened is that I finally presented my research this past Tuesday. Considering how all I had been doing up til then was write and think about it, I hope you will understand if I don't really want to go into any details about it since I am just glad to be done with it! However, it was a great experience and I am super glad I did it. I got to meet some really cool people through the class and get some great lab experience I will use in the future. Also, on Tuesday night after the presentations were over we got to go to the catfish hole and I probably ate a good 3 to 4 pounds of catfish and hush puppies, so that was wonderful as well.

So those were just some of the main things that had happened this semester. A few other things I would like to mention are that the RFCs had a game night one Friday and I was able to teach the group the game Kemp, and the proceeded to win both that and Catan. Also, the Cardinals started playing this month and currently are playing fantastic and leading their division, with my boy DFreese picking up right we he left off last October. Oh, and I took one of my good friends to her high school prom, which was a very fun and enjoyable night. It was the weekend before I presented, so it was nice to just go and let loose for a while.

Now as the end of my first year of college is drawing near to the end, I am just so surprised at how fast it went and all the great times it has provided. But those thoughts are for the next post. For now, I just leave you with a picture of my wonderful nephew, who helps me to keep smiling every time I see him!

The mystery, or how you approach people.

I've always heard that you have to make a good first impression when you meet someone, yet I've slowly come to release that I believe a "good" first impression is something that is very hard to achieve. I say this because I believe that while the first impression is important, it is just as important as the second, third, fourth, etc. until a certain point. Now then this point is different for everyone, could be anywhere from the fifth to the tenth to the twentieth, but everyone has it. The point I'm talking about is the point where the mystery, something I will explain in a bit, dissipates and a choice has to be made, also to be discussed later.

So first of all, what is "the mystery"? Well if you just think back to anytime you were getting to know someone, you will be able to see that it was there all along. The mystery surrounds anyone who you do not know. It's that shroud that covers them that you can't see through no matter how hard you look. Just think about it, what's the best part of meeting someone new? I feel that it is the fact that you don't know what kind of person is underneath the mystery. You can watch a person for as long as you wanted, but you could never really see them until you talk to them and started to chip away at the mystery that surround them piece by piece. However, sometimes this mystery can be there for more than just keeping out strangers.

The one thing about the mystery that makes it different from being just a fog that is easily blown away by just a few conversations is the fact that everyone has control of how much of their own mystery they let fade away toward each different person. This can be used in two different ways. The first is a way that you personally can use it towards others mysteries. As you begin to get to know some one, there is always that point where you feel comfortable with what you know about them. I like to think of this point as where you choose to stop chipping away at the mystery instead of the other person stopping you. You see, not everyone can know everything about all the people in their life, so they stop some people short, whether it be because they are afraid of what lies beneath the rest or just don't care to know anymore about that person.

The second way the mystery is used is by the person who you are trying to get to know. Everyone has a certain point to where they are comfortable with others getting to know them, but when that point is reached the mystery morphs from some kind of haze into a full blown wall, not letting anyone in. Behind these walls are the base of each person, the point at which they feel most vulnerable to the outside world. However, these walls are not indestructible. If you are able to break through the walls of a person, whether they have ten or just one, feel grateful in the fact that you have a friend of one of the highest levels. In addition though, you yourself also have to let down your own walls in order to truly have a strong friendship. If you are not willing to do this, you should not expect this of others.

So, what made me think of this? Not really sure to tell you the truth, but I think it just shows a little insight into the way I see thinks, slowly wisping away the mystery that surrounds me to all of those who read. But now I am done, and will continue my journey through my first full year of college with a smile on my face and eyes looking at the mysteries around me.

The less you speak, the more you hear.

Alright, first thing I feel like I need to do is preface that the title of my blog is not to say that people talk to much or anything like that, but to simply state something I've learned over the years of my existence. Got it? Good! Now then, onto writing my thoughts.

So, just the other day I was over at a friends apartment with a lot of other people from the RFC group. We had a fantastic dinner followed by playing games and just enjoying each others company. Then, one of the people there commented that I hadn't really said a lot that night and was wondering why that was. My friend who's apartment we where in, a person that I just happened to have a conversation on this subject before, was quick to say that I liked to listen because it's how I learn. And so that's what I want to explain in this blog, my love for listening.

My childhood is probably where this began, even if I really didn't know it back then. My sister was always one to talk and try to get attention when we were both kids, so I would usually spend most of my time listening to her, not by choice most of the time mind you. Also, most of my friends that lived in my neighborhood were kinda of the commanding type, ones who always just wanted to do what they wanted to do, so I would just listen to what they said and follow suit. As I grew up though, I began to see listening as something that was not something I just had to do, but what I wanted to do.

One memory that always sticks out in my mind when I think about my love of listening is back during my first year as a senior camper at my church camp, Burnt Cabin. I had always loved that place ever since I was a little boy, but that is a story for a different time. As for how it pertains to now, well we have to go to the last night of camp that year. You see, at camp they allow all of the senior campers, that is going into 9th grade and up, to stay up as long as they want on the last night. My best friend in the youth group was a few years older than me and liked to invite me to hang out with him and a lot of the older members in the youth group when they did stuff. So this night a few of the older campers were just sitting at a stone table, and me and him went to join them. I probably sat there for over 3 hours as I just listened to them talk about everything from school to memories to faith. People would get up and leave and others would come and sit, but I just sat there and enjoying learning so many different things from these people. I can't say for sure, but if I had to guess I would say that I couldn't have said more than 10 words during that whole time, but that didn't matter at all to me. From then on, I would see how much just listening could do for me in my life.

Over the next few years, I tried to do a lot less speaking and a lot more listening, and it sure did help me out like nothing else. It helped me to make great friendships that I would never want to lose, especially with people who I met in different states and such that I may not see but once a year. I also think it helped me to be able to care more about the people I already I had in my life. And one think I know it did for me is help to grow my faith in God and get a lot closer to him than I had been in the past, and that I know is the best thing of all.

In conclusion, listening is a skill that nearly everyone has, yet I believe few master. I've been told I am a great listener in the past, but I still believe I have a lot to learn before I can master it. Do I think I'm a good listener? Well, I'm not really sure what all that kind of title entails. There are a lot of times I wish I would speak up, and other I wish I wouldn't have said anything. I can be loud at times, just as I can be way to quite at others. But one thing I do know is that I truly do love to listen, even though sometimes I don't seem like (sorry mom and dad!). And I don't how this love will help me in the future, but I know that in the past it sure has done a lot. As for what it is doing for me in the present, well it is just something I am using to learn more about all of the wonderful friends I have met here in college. The more I listen, the more I know about them, and that is something that keeps me smiling.